That's Why I'm Here
by LSMunch
Summary: post-ep for Wrath. What if someone else had visited Olivia after Elliot left?


Disclaimer: He's not mine, okay?

A/N: Thanks to ListSKing for reading this over.

He knocked on her door, wondering why she wasn't answering. Flipping open his cell phone, he quickly dialed her number and listened as her phone rang once...twice...three times...four...before the answering machine picked up. "Olivia, it's John. Where the hell are you? I thought you'd be home. Well, I'll see you tomorrow then." He closed his phone, frustrated with her now. He hoped she wasn't at a bar getting drunk because that was exactly what she _didn't_ need. They had done that the other night and nothing good had come of it.

He started walking down the hall towards the stairs, thinking of local bars she might be at when he heard her voice behind him.

"John, wait a minute."

He turned and saw her leaning out of her doorway. "I thought you weren't home," he said stupidly.

"Yeah, um, listen, why don't you come in."

He walked back to her apartment, taking in her rough appearance. "What the hell happened to you?"

"Nothing, I was just watching TV. One of those stupid chick flicks."

He nodded, quickly processing the information she had told him and the fact that it had been silent in her apartment. He followed her into her living room and sat down in the nearest chair.

"Want something to drink?"

"I'm fine, thanks. How're you doin'?"

She moved towards the couch, sitting down near the middle and looking at the floor. "Fine, fine." But her actions and the sound in her voice told him otherwise.

"No one's fine after taking another's life." He paused, wondering if he should say what he was thinking and finally decided to chance it. "Or when they feel their partner's a back stabber."

She looked up sharply at him, anger flashing briefly in her eyes before looking back down again. "He shouldn't have done that."

"You're right. If Fin did that to me, I'd spew theories until he got fed up."

"Yeah and then he'd wipe the floor with your scrawny ass," she joked. She was easing up slightly as they joked. It was something they did in the squad room and it worked.

He nodded in agreement. "But not before I get a punch or two in."

"If you could get any."

"Hey, you wanna try me? I'm not that bad for an old geezer." She laughed a little, glad he was there to help her feel better. Suddenly, he turned serious and looked at her hard. "Liv."

"Yeah," she said, looking up at him.

"He didn't want you to get hurt. He only wanted you to be safe."

"The Rat Squad, John. The fricken Rat Squad."

He sighed. "I know, Liv. Listen, if Fin did it, I would probably feel the same way you do, but I would know that he only wanted me safe."

"If you're going to side with him, just leave. I don't need to hear you telling me something I don't need to hear, Munch."

He stood up, not intending to leave. "Are you sure about that Olivia? We would all go as far as to die for one another. Are you sure you don't need to be told until you believe it that he was only protecting you? Only looking out for you? Because I'm not so sure you get it."

She looked up at his face, his hard set expression which held a certain amount of sadness. Perhaps more than usual. She felt her expression soften at a colleague, a partner, a friend, trying to help her. "Maybe I'm not sure, but I still don't like it."

He gave a short chuckle. "You don't have to like it, but you have to accept it as part of bein' a cop. Even the best of us need help, Liv. You just gotta ask for it. He asked on your behalf. He knew you were to damn stubborn to ask yourself. Hell, I would."

"Damn right you'd be too stubborn," she joked. She couldn't help it. She wanted the tension in the room lifted and that was the only way she knew how.

"Liv, you shot a man today. Don't throw jokes at me. I know they're a cover up. You're lookin' at the master. I know."

"I took years from his life, John. And then I took his whole damn life. The gun wasn't even loaded." She was looking at the floor again, unable to face him.

He walked the couple steps to the couch and sat down next to her, sighing. "I can't tell you that I know what you mean and that kills me because I'd like to sit here and be able to feel the same pain you do, but I can't. All I can say is that he would have died anyway. We would've arrested him and Cabot would have gotten the death penalty and he would've died by means of the state anyway. You only sped up the process and saved the taxpayers some money. If you hadn't gone there, he'd've killed again until we caught him."

"Did I really have to kill him though? If I had shot him in the leg he'd still be alive and we'd be able to throw his ass in jail. He even said his gun wasn't loaded."

"There was no way you could've known that he was telling the truth. You thought someone was in danger, either yourself or that woman, and you did the only thing that could've removed that danger. It was an honest mistake. Anyone could've made it."

"Yeah, but I'm the one that made that mistake. Now, I have to pay for it. I should've waited for you guys, talked to him a little longer, stretched it out until you came. I could've too. I just didn't."

"No one doubts your abilities as a cop, Liv. Not even Elliot. You did what your job trained you to do and there's nothing else you could've done. Same as Elliot. Placed in that situation, anyone of us would've made the same choice."

She looked at him, tears in her eyes. "Yeah, but would you have gone by yourself?"

He looked away from her, the pain in her eyes tearing him up. "Probably, but even if I hadn't, Fin or I would've have shot him. What other choice would we have?"

She shook her head. "You wouldn't have gone by yourself. You would have waited for Fin or taken him with you to begin with. I'm the only one who would've gone by myself and I did. Look where it's gotten me." She looked back down to the floor, leaving him to look back at her.

"It's gotten you some good friends coming over to make sure you're okay. I'd say that's pretty damn good, compared to sittin' in a cell."

"One good friend came over. One."

He sighed again. "Let it go, Liv. Just let it go." He looked away for a moment and then back to her. "There's a lot of things that took me a long time to let go of. Some I still haven't let go and they eat at me everyday. You have us to lean back on, us to help you up when you fall, us to lend a guiding hand, a wise word. Use us because we won't be here forever. No one's around to help you forever." His eyes remained steady on her bowed head. "No one."

She looked up slowly, processing what he had just said. She was met with his saddened brown eyes that seemed to be melting. "Thanks John," she whispered as tears started to leak down her face.

"Don't cry," he whispered back and before he realized, he had reached his hand towards her and begun wiping away the tears. "You don't have to cry to let it go, though it sometimes helps. Just...don't think about it so much. Think of other things. Better things. Just...just don't cry."

She took his hand in hers, allowing a small smile to show through her tears. "Than you can't either," she said and touched his face lightly with her other hand.

It was then that he felt the wetness on his face, evidence that tears were indeed running down his face. He hadn't realized it and hadn't expected it either. Since when did talking to Olivia hurt so much? Since I let her get to my heart, he thought. She seemed to realize the same thing, for her face was suddenly getting closer to his and he didn't mind. Not in the slightest. He welcomed her soft lips with his own, savoring her warmth.

"John-"

"Shh." He pulled her into his arms and leaned back against the arm of the couch, letting her lips cover his again. She, in turn, leaned against him, enjoying the fact that he was there to comfort her. To reassure her. To help her. To love her. But most of all, just glad that he was there.


End file.
